


Just like the first time

by Fallen_am_i



Category: Alice Nine
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-09
Updated: 2013-10-09
Packaged: 2017-12-28 22:01:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/997440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallen_am_i/pseuds/Fallen_am_i





	Just like the first time

Title: Just like the first time  
Chapters: Oneshot  
Author: [](http://fallen-am-i.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://fallen-am-i.livejournal.com/)**fallen_am_i**    
Genre: Romance,Fluff, Dramma,Angst  
Warnings: No beta  
Rating: PG  
Pairing: Tora x Saga  
Synopsis: " You could't realise it, but every day you were falling in love with me, over and over again, with the same pation as the first time. "  
Disclaimer: I own the story only...

 

 

   It was Saturday morning, a beautyfull and bright Saturday morning. It was spring allready, the flower's scents and the bird's songs were reaching my heart, and i couldn't help it but relax and enjoy the beauty around me as much as i could... As everyday morning,i was again outside, taking a long walk in the town, letting my eyes and mind to relax a bit from every stress and bothersome routine... I allways liked watching the people passing around me, some happy, some stressed and some sad and weak, like me... I was having that habbit for about a month, walking outside, freeing my mind of thoughts that hurt and my self from deffences for just a tiny bit. For those hours i spent on the road it's just me, no fake smiles, nor self confident masks on my face... I could cry out my feelings, push away every stress and in return, accept everything life could give to me  to make my heart lighter, even just a tiny bit... I was running away, trying to forget everything and focus on the beautyfull places my feet drove me... And when i was feeling better, I did verything i could to make my heart heavy again... I was hurt so deep, maybe i would never be able to heal the wounds in my soul, or , maybe i just didn't want to heal them. Somehow, what i was used to do all that month was like putting salt in them, never letting them close...

   Like my everyday programme, after a nice, long and ful of thinking walk, i ended up there, in my favorite place and favorite spot. It was in the big park at the center of the town. An old bench, maybe too old but still standing alone in a corner, under a weeping willow tree. Big red rose bushes were hiding it from the rest of the place, so i could sit there and enjoy the cloudy sky or a good book as much as i wanted to. I sat down, taking a big breath of clean air, it felt so nice! I looked around. The park was quite crowded,as expected on a Saturday morning. A group of children was running around on the soft grass, or climbing wildly up the trees, enjoying their free of school day. I laughed. I used to be like that too, innoscent and carefree, with my mind and heart ready to accept any surprise life had to offer, ready to fly. Untill i tasted the pain, how it feels like when your wings are crushed...

   I stopped staring at the lively bunch that was comforting a boy who sliped and got his clothes dirty and i focused back on my book. I was reading slowly,leaving the beautyfull words reach my heart, feel them warming me... I tried my best to concetrate on it but i couldn't help it when i heared steps comming close to me. I tried to ignore them but my heart was allready beating in a crazy rythm, my trembling hand could barely horld the book. I turned my head to face you, looking at me full of curiossity. A boy my age, with borwn hair reaching your shoulders, brown eyes that were observing everything and a beautyfull smile drawn on your lips. Your right hand was in a cast. A slight blush covered your face when you understood that i noticed you. Raising your left hand up, youstretched lazily, and then sat down beside me. With funny moves you took out of your pocket a pack of cigarettes,taking one and placing it on your lips. Then the same hand tried to light it with the lighter, with no succes. After some tries, you ended up scratching your fingers and the lighter fell down on the ground. I couldn't help but chuckle slightly, but i imediately tried to hide it. You turned around and raised a brow teasingly.

" Hey, it's not funny! " you made a funny face, i couldn't stop laughing anymore. I stood and picked the lighter up, pointing it to the still in your mouth cigarette and lit it for you.

" Thanks! " You gave me a smile, how beautifull it was... So childlike, innoscent and happy.

" You are wellcome... " I aswered back,concetrating back on my book. Well, at least i tried... My eyes were moving randomly on the lines as i was peeking secretly at your dressed in white figure. After finishing smoking, you stood up infront of the rose bush, cut a blooming rose and smelled it. You shut your eyes closed, to let the sweet feeling touch your inside. You were so beautifull, a light in my darkness.So radiant like an angel...

" Huuuh, it's so nice today! " You let a big, relieved sigh. I smiled at you in response as you came back and sat on the bench again. I could feel your insistant gaze in my hands, like you were hoping for them to close the book soon. Like you wanted my full attention.

" So, do you usually do that? I mean reading outside and stuff... "

   I gave you a nervous smile.

" Well, yeah, i like walking a lot, it helps me relax... "

" Ohh? " Your raised a brow. " Then i asume that it's your first time here. I come here everyday but it's the first time i see you... "

   My fingers twitched as i heard your words, as i saw you grinning amused.

" And how are you sure about that??? " I asked you in playfully, curious. You looked down on your shoes, trying to overcome the fever on your cheek.

"If you came here, i would have noticed you... " You mumbled behind your teeth. You gave me a feint, shy smile, so pretty...  I snapped out of it, i was looking at you for too much time...

" Well... "  i cleared my throat, " It's my first time coming here, so - "

" Hey, is something wrong? Am i bothersome or something? " You took a deffencive stance as you were searching for an answer in my eyes. You looked hasitated, even worried i could say. So cute. I tried to stay serious for a bit longer, but i couldn't. You soon shot a glare at me, as i started laughing hard.

" Oh sorry sorry! " i coughed. Then i got all serious again. " Of course you are not bothersome! In fact i really enjoy your company... "

" Really? Your voise is bitter, and your look so sad... "

" Stop worrying for nothing! " I tried to calm you down. " I am fine, just somethings at work... And why do you care anyway? I am just a stranger!  " I teased you, trying to hide my nervousness. You saw right through me. I was sad. Stranger... How much could a word hurt...

" No, we are not! We talk about... " you glanced at you watch " twenty minutes, now we know each other a bit! Plus... "

   You stopped, giving me an anigmatic gaze. I looked deep in your eyes, trying to guess what were you thinking about. You crossed your arms in your lap protectively.

" Plus... You feel, i-i don't know how to explain it... You feel familiar... I feel like i could have known you for years, if that was possible... "

   You chuckled with your own words. Those pretty, pure words that made me extremely happy and so sad at the same time... And you must have noticed that, because you let a big sigh and looked strictly at me.

" So, " i decided to change subject quickly " What about you? Do you oftenly come here? "

You smiled a bit uncomfortably.

" Well, i live there... " You showed me the old hospital, oposite to where we were sitting. " As you can see, i got in an accident and i am recovering now. But i'll return home soon! "

" What exactly happened? " I asked with interest.

" I-I don't remember, but my parents told my it was  car accident... I was returning home and the road was slippery... "

   You lowed your eyes at the sad memory, a memory you wanted so much to forget. And as you lowed your head you missed me bitting my lip in pain... Yeah, words could hurt more than a strong punch in the face...

" Oh! How rude of me! " You snaped out of your thoughts. " I spent so much time with you and i haven't introduced myself yet! Takashi, Sakamoto Takashi! But please call me Saga! "

   You bowed happily, waiting for my name. Your words made my heart sink even more. Unintentionaly, my hand moved at the left side of my chest, clenching at my shirt there as hard as it could and i pressed a smile on my lips, the wider and the most beautyfull one i could display at the moment.

" Amano Shinji, but call me Tora... "

   I managed to steady my voice as much as i could. You stood silent for a momment, as if trying to think of something, remember maybe. You kept looking at me with those shiny eyes, full of interrest in me. So bold, i couldn't look away.

" ... Tiger? " You teased. " I wonder how did you earn that name! "

" It's a long story... "

" I've got plenty of time... "

   I forced my eyes away from you. That was a subject i've been avoiding fo so long, looking back into my past generaly... But you made me open my life's book and look at the pages again... It was difficult, but you had your way persuading me, your satisfied smile was enough... So i started talking to you about friends and college, a good friend that starting calling me Tora because i looked kind of angry the first time he met me, like a tiger inside a cage. I told you that i hated it initiately, but slowly i got used to it, or better, i got to like it. It made me feel special, that nickname picked by that friend, a friend that soon became something more. No. Not more. He became _everything_ in my life. My sun, my meaning. My death... And you kept listening to everything i had to say with interest in your eyes, focused in every single word that came out of my lips. Trying to understand. You looked so gentle, caring. I still wonder how i was able to stay calm. I came at that park to strip myself from deffences, yet there i was again, masking everything behind a calm, numb face. I looked peacefull, the exact opposite of what i was in the inside. Frustrated. After finishing my story you thought a bit and then turned to me.

" That person... What happened to him? " You asked. My hands grabbed my shirt tighter.

" Ah, this is past... I'm afraid i lost that person forever... " I sigh in defeat. I let my face express my sadness, i couldn't keep it anymore. I worried you.

" Oh sorry... " You mumbled nervously.  "But...forever is a big word... Right? He is... alive, right? "

   You made me laugh again

" Of course he is! bBut... Things will never be the same again... "

   I couldn't look at you straight in the eyes anymore. My head was heavy, every move was making me dizzy. For a slight momment the thought of leaving popped in my mind, but it dissapeared as fast as it came. You insisted on gazing at me, who was concetrated on the sunlight falling on my shoes. You let a big sigh and and you let a smile. A beautyfull butterfly cought your attention, nearing the rose you were holding. Such a frail, yet so beautyfull thing... It sat at the bloody red petals, fluttering it's blue wings before it flied again to dance with grace in the air...

" Look how many beautyfull things are around us... Don't let something that is lost shadowing your face... It makes it uggly... "

   You looked satisfied with my sudden laugh, amused and shy at the same time.

" It's not that easy... I'm - "

" Lost... " You completed my phrase with the right word... You chuckled. " You know, you feel like an open book... I can read clearly any feeling you are trying to hide... " Hesitated, you let your fingertips touch my soulder. " I can easilly see how lost and hurt you are... But always there's a new road, you know... You might not know where it leads, but that's the charming thing about it... "

   You winked at me, your genuine smile made my lips draw a feint one too. Your fingers grabbed my shoulder tighter, and it felt so nice, so warm. Like they were meant to be there...

" How can you know all that about me? "

   You chuckled lightly.

" Your eyes, tiger... " Your thin fingers touched slightly the circles under my eyes, formed by bad sleep and mood. " Eyes allways tell the truth... "

   You leaned closer, like hypnotised. I felt my entire body on fire, numb, paralysed. My breath stopped, my heart was beating maddly, struggling to keep me alive. It was feeling like death was coming close, but i knew that it was not that. If death felt like that, so warm and fullfilling, so wonderfull, i would have suicided allready... Yet the pain was there too. A part of me wanted to push you away, to drive you and the pain you caused away. Beacause it hurt, it hurt so much. But i wouldn't move. I stayed there, feeling your sweet breath on my face and your soothing voice on my ears.

" Tora... " You whispered. " I don't know why, but _you feel like home..._ "

   I couldn't push you away anymore, i couldn't stop you when you decreased the distance between us, when i felt your trembling lips touching mine. It was just a touch, soft and aerial. But it was containing all of our feelings. So gentle and sweet. And it _di_ _d_ felt like home... We stayed like that for mere momments that looked like ages to me, and i wanted to froze time, so i could stay with you like that forever... But time never stops, so soon we parted and you were vissibly nervous and embarassed. Your were funny, you made me laugh. You took away all the sadness i was bearing.

" S-sorry for that... And _stop_ laughing! " you warned me with your trembling, yet amused voice. My laughs grow louder, but you didn't mind, you kept grabbing my shirt's sleeve tightly, laughing along. And then, suddenly, you snapped out. " Shit! " You shouted full stressed. "I have my daily check up and lunch, i need to go... "

   Your smile dissapeared and a sad face took it's place. You ought tostand up and go to back to the hospital, but nothing could make your fragille hand leave my sleeve. You looked like parting was hurting you, and i felt like i was sinking in darkness again.

" So... " You continued. " That means goodbye and - "

" I'll be here tomorow... " It was my turn to cut you while talking. Your eyes shined again, but you kept a calm behaviour, as i expected you to do. " Same place, same time... "

   You grinned widely.

" Be sure not to be late then... " You answered back as you decided to stand up finaly. " I hate waiting... "

   And with that you left me and walked back, oftenly turning back to look at me, smiling... And that smile, no, all of you hurt me as no one can imagine. But at the same time it was making me the happiest person in the whole world...

   My eyes kept stalking you 'till i lost sight of you. I let a big sigh out of my mouth and smiled, looking nowhere in particular. I took my cigarettes out of my pocket and lit one. I needed that damn smoke so much right now, as every time i was stressed. A big cloud of smoke let my lips, flying on the wind, changing it's form so beautyfully...

" Still at it, eh? " A voice sounded beside me. A voice i knew very well. I pointed my pack of cigarettes at him, although i already knew his answer. " No, thanks. "

" I'll be here untill he denies to see me... " I let another cloud of smoke, bigger this time. He looked at me worryly.

" You remember that he won't recover, right? "

   I gulped. How could i forget something like that? How could i forget the words that crushed my dreams?... That person beside me iformed me about your health. Your doctor, Nao.

" That's not enough to stop me you know... " I chuckled and Nao smiled back at me.

" Oh, i know... For one month now, every day, you keep showing that to me! "

   I laughed bitterly. He was right. I was the one who brought you there. We were togeher when the car crashed on to an other one in full speed. You were so angry with your parents and wouldn't stop speeding up. You wouldn't listen to me screaming about the other car ahead. You wouldn't answer when i desperately cried out your name. The other driver and me had suffered just mere scratches, but you... You lost something important, maybe the most important thing in your life. Your memories. Me, our firendship, our love and dreams together. When you finaly opened your eyes again, you could remember nothing. And after twenty four hours, your mind was erasing the new memories you made, permanently Nao had said. Everyday was a new day for you, a new begining... And a new end for my soul. Yet i couldn't stop, i wouldn't stop. Every day for a month now i was there for you, and every single day you were coming and talk to me.  
Of all the people around you, you were allways choosing me. You couldn't remember me, but you allways were listening to your heart. And your heart was searching for it's other half. You could't realise it, but every day you were falling in love with me, over and over again, with the same pation as the first time. And i would do anything, even sell my own soul, if that could bring your memory back. I would totaly do it...

" What about _them?_ " I asked.

" Well... The same... " He breathed out. " They don't want to tell him the truth. And... they don't want him to - "

" Remember me... " I spat out, like i was tasting poison at the thought of your parents. They hated me. For them i was the one who turned their son against them, the one who made you mad with them that night. It was impossible for me to come and visit you at the hospital, your father had kicked me out countless times. He would never accept the fact that his only son chose me over all those rich stupid girls he would like for him to date, a guy with no money. Untill Nao understood the situation and invented those walks in the park. He helped us seeing eachother, and took care of you, i owe him so much...

" They are so stupid... " I laughed ironicaly. " He will never forget me! "

" I know... " Nao nodded, patting me on the shoulder. " But he won't remember you either..."

   I lowed my eyes. His words were painfull, but he was speaking the truth. He stood up after some encouraging words, he had patients to check, you among them... I told him to take a good care of you, my Saga. I needed no encouragement. I was determined to continue visiting you every damn morning, untill the day you yourself would push me away... My love for you gave me all the strength needed to continue, and the hope that, maybe, one day, a miracle would happen and you'd return back. Back to me...

   With a final sigh i grabbed my book and stood up. I had work in about an hour. I walked home with slow, yet light steps. I was feeling better, for the moment at least... The only thing i was waiting for was the day to finish as quickly as it could, so that the next one i could come again to the same park. So that i could meet you again, from the start...

                                                *                *                   *                 *                   *

 

 

Soooooo, this is my second entry... Well, i think that was better formed in my mind... I hope you like it though...  :) I was thinking for a continue too but i don't know yet...  
Comments are LOVE ^_^


End file.
